FabXXL

Kirk, Chekov and Uhura become gladiator slaves so that a race of omnipotent beings can place internet bets on them. Kirk hooks up with Lady Gaga, who has green hair. Omnipotents of the week turn out to be brains on pedestals. Ew.

Not a heinous episode, but with frequent motifs like grabby Kirk, enforced battles and the omnipresent omnipotence, this show is starting to look like it was written by a computer program.

Oh no! Screenwriter is CRAZY MACHINE!

Redshirts dead = 0

Comedy Episode! Klingons and and entire race of creatures from the Lincraft remainders bin. As ludicrous space romps go, this is actually a lot of fun. Nobody is being too hammy, so the plot of the story is still allowed to breathe and isn’t suffocated with silliness. It’s fun. After the last two weeks of nebulous angst monsters, it’s nice to see tactile threats from not only the hyper-reproductive Tribbles, but also the Klingons and space-con-men.

Redshirts dead = 0 Nobody dies in a comedy episode.

Scotty is suspected of murdering a belly dancer, and to clear his name they have a seance. Then the spirit of Jack the Ripper possesses the Enterprise. I don’t know what’s worse, last episode’s fart monster, or the misogynist lady-killing energy creature from this week. I hope nebulous threats aren’t the recurring antagonists down the back end of season 2. Bring back the omnipotent crazy machines!

Redshirts dead = 1 (actually a lady in blue, but that was to be expected with Jack the Ripper: the Ghost on board)

Kirk becomes obsessed with a stinky cloud of death. It’s like the Lost smoke monster, but if it was a vampire. It killed Kirk’s crew when he was a junior Lieutenant on the Farragut, way back when, and now he wants revenge. I think Star Trek is running out of steam; the deadly space fart is close to being the silliest creature they’ve ever come across (after the injured rock monster). At least it’s not an omnipotent crazy machine!

Redshirts dead = 3 (sucked dry by the space fart)

We’re starting to stray into hoary old tv tropes territory; the old people episode. The landing party gets irradiated and it turns them ancient. There’s a race against time to cure the crew before they all end up dead of natural causes, while a doofus admiral orders the ship into the Romulan neutral zone, because Kirk has developed dementia. Another of Kirk’s old flames is on board, and like the last episode, she seems to be dressed in a spare bolt of fabric from Spotlight. Possibly a curtain.

Redshirts dead = 1 (but she was wearing blue).

The crew beam down to a planet where the entire population are dressed by a girl on speed with a Spotlight card. They meet original ‘Catwoman’ Julie Newmar, who is knocked up and almost as feisty as ‘Leela’ from Doctor Who. There is a Klingon involved somehow, and for some reason they have to flee to the hills and the whole thing ends up looking like one of those lost in the bush rural birthing episodes of Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. There is a power struggle going on, but I was too smitten with the sublime Ms Newmar’s eyebrow & pout acting to care.

Redshirts dead = 1 (skewered by the Lincraft tribe)

The ones about Spock are always the best. Spock’s parents show up at a diplomatic function (his dad is an Ambassador) and there are murders, a potential intergalactic war brewing, a blood transfusion, plastic surgery, an insurmountable rift between father and son and a space battle. This episode is overflowing with drama! I love it when Star Trek is this involved. So many characters pulling in so many directions, and yet the strands never quite snap. Great writing. Look at me, caring about structure! Don’t tell Max, he’ll think someone has broken into my blog and started writing it for me.

Redshirt dead = I was too involved in the story to put little lines on my deadshirts pad. There were deaths, but I think they were all aliens.

This is peculiar in the extreme. Kirk, Spock and McCoy are travelling with a woman negotiating a peace treaty, who has developed some bizarre syndrome. They’re kidnapped by a glowing yellow thing that has been having an affair with Zefram Cochrane, who invented warp speed. He’s been made young again, and has been living with the yellow glitter monster for hundreds of years. He calls it “the companion.” Tragically, after a lot of standing around and talking, love saves the day. It’s like Ghost Whisperer in space. I liked the impetus behind this episode, but the execution was sorely lacking. I fell asleep once. That may have been more to do with the codeine I took for my sore tooth, however.

Oh good. A comedy episode. They are always so hilarious. I don’t mind some jokes here and there, but a whole hour of lunacy? Harry Mudd is the king of a world of androids, who intend to conquer the universe through obsequiousness. Yes, you read correctly, an entire race of CRAZY MACHINES! Kirk & co. manage to confuse them with an amateur theatre production. There are some good bits, but mostly this is nonsense of the highest order.

Chekov is back in the Beatles wig.

Redshirts dead = 0

Gothic nonsense. I wasn’t really paying much attention. After the castle and the witches and the cat that became a lady and the voodoo spaceship, I decided this was too doolally to warrant my attention. I think they were omnipotent, or at least telekenetic. Cat lady became enormous at one point. Kirk tricked her by pretending he wanted to get jiggy with her. If she’d seen the show, she’d realise that him NOT wanting to get jiggy with her is the most out of character thing he’s ever done.

Chekov is wearing his Susan Heyward Valley of the Dolls wig this week.

Redshirts dead = 1